Life Among The Homeless: Stank Edition

Today I decided to drive to a delicious Mexican restaurant to have a nice meal by myself (independent woman: the man edition). As I left the restaurant I turned left and was walking a few feet behind an obviously crazy homeless old man (derelicte chic).

Suddenly this homeless man turns around looking in my general direction and yells "I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKIN' LISTEN TO YOU AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANOTHER SHIT TWICE!!"

Instinct took over and I sidestepped to the right and kept walking at a slightly faster pace, as if I was passing and putting distance between myself and a drunk driver on the highway. As I was walking I could hear him still yelling at whoever else was walking behind him including little 8 year old tourists from Mexico (or maybe he was yelling at the voices).

This transaction of "crazy talk" made me think of all the other times I've seen the homeless sitting on the street talking crazy to themselves, are they homeless because they're so crazy or are they crazy because they're so homeless?

I remember one time a friend and I were driving downtown, we stopped at a light and spotted a homeless man sitting to the right of us without any shoes, so we decided to give him the old pair of shoes that were sitting in the back seat of my friend's car (philanthropists we are). My friend tell's me to open my window and give them to him, so I roll down my window and yell "hey!" while I wiggle the box of shoes outside of his window.

The homeless man stops picking his belly button and perks up and begins to try to get up (he was fat), suddenly a homeless female comes out of nowhere (doing the crackhead chest itch) with a big smile on her face nodding her head up and down as if to say "F*ck yeah I'll take those shoes".

Meanwhile my friend yells "dude throw 'em, don't attract all of them to the car, they'll be touchin' you and shit!" (Don't let 'um put the stank on ya)

The light turns green, I throw the box of shoes onto the sidewalk, and we speed off toward the highway entrance. I could see him out of the rear window of the car grabbing the box of shoes and looking inside, hopefully they made his quality of life significantly better. I just hope he didn't trade the shoes to the crackhead for a blowjob.