I Could Never Be A Drug Lord

One out of every five times I watch any movie involving drug lords I am in the company of at least one person who asks the question "why didn't we do that man?".  I think the answer is very clear as to why I've decided to not be an aspiring drug lord, but for those that see only the glamor and none of the murder, cruelty, and prison time, allow me to elaborate.

Although the movie starts with the drug lord having godlike power and more money than Oprah, it usually ends with his or her torture, death, or imprisonment.  It ends this way for good reason, crime is a dangerous occupation.  If a person thinks they won't get caught due to some protective force, intelligence, or luck, they probably will.

To be in organized crime you have to be willing to use chainsaws on human beings (maybe).  You have to be okay with the murder of innocent people.  You have to be constantly watching your back, front, and side; you never know who you can fully trust.  People will try to kill you to take your business or position.

Are the benefits worth the risks?  I believe not, there are plenty of ways to do well financially if you are willing to work hard.  I refuse to live a life of constant paranoia, no amount of money is worth that; as a final mention, all of the above activities are inherently wrong and my moral compass will not allow it.

For people that think they are invincible, there is nothing I could write or say that would change your mind.  People that believe they are invincible are of the utmost arrogance, and may one day find themselves staring up from the ground in disbelief that they too can face harm and consequence.

Lesson:  The next time you think about trying to become a drug lord, or even the next time you are driving 120mph on the highway drunk with an open container in your lap, remember that in reality you are just tempting the inevitable.

When A Bearded Drifter Snaps

In 2011 my mom and dad came to visit my wife and I in the Seattle area and we found ourselves doing many quintessential Seattle things (Pike Place Market, Zoo, Aquarium).  This visit also brought us to The Space Needle twice; once in the day and once at night.  My wife, my dad, and I went to the top of the needle both times but my mom didn't because she's afraid of heights.

During the daytime visit to the top we were walking around the outside portion of the observation deck and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  I saw a homeless looking guy with a HUGE backpack on his back, a beard, and a stench walking around and thought nothing of it (he looked like a combination of Zach Galifianakis and a backpacker with poor hygiene).

Suddenly a minute later I hear a man's voice yell "you little bitch!  Fuck you!  I'll kill all of you!" and I go into fight or flight mode as I grab my wife and head inside to find my dad while I tried to keep poop from entering my pants.  We found my dad quickly and we looked out the window to the outside portion of the deck to see the bearded man giving crazy eyes and fake punching people in a way where he would stop his fist as close to their faces as possible.  He also supplied sound effects as he fake punched them (bop, bop, bop, bop, bop!).

The only thing I could think is "what's in the backpack?".  They have guys that check bags before you enter, but the probability of human error can be unsettling.  We tried to go toward the elevator only to realize that they were not allowing anybody to go down or up until the conflict was resolved.  We looked outside to see the man surrounded by Space Needle security with his hands on his knees and his torso swaying up and down while breathing heavily.

In the end the man was subdued and taken down the elevator and put into the back seat of a cop car.  From what we've seen of our justice system he's probably back on the outside wearing his backpack at tourist attractions again.  Whether he is reformed or just another ticking time bomb is a big question but an even bigger one is this, what did the "little bitch" say or do that made him snap that day?

Lesson:  People like this usually show warning signs and need to be helped long before they snap and threaten to kill people (or worse, follow through on it).  If you notice the warning signs, tell somebody.

I'm Back...And We Almost Got Shot In Vegas

Due to either being lazy or having a case of not yet diagnosed ADD, I have not written anything in a long time.  There IS hope though, I'm back...and we almost got shot in Vegas.

I planned a trip to Las Vegas for St. Patrick's Day with my wife and we also met up with my best friend and his girlfriend.  From the moment we got there my wife was intrigued at the fact that people are willing to sit inside of a glass case filled with cigarette smoke just to play slot machines at the airport.  I think she would rather put cat litter on her ice cream than stand inside of that glass box.

We get in the cab to go to The Mirage and have our first experience of a cab driver trying to gauge us on the tip.  "I'm not gonna put my daughter through college on two dollars" says the driver about a two dollar tip for a nine dollar cab ride (6 long Vegas blocks).  I will not bore you with all of the normal Vegas stories, let's get to the near death experience.

My friend wanted to go off the strip at about three in the morning to eat at a place called "Pho Kim Long", if you say it fast people will look at you funny.  It is located in the China Town district and is open all night with very good Pho and other Vietnamese food.  After we finished eating we did what gentleman do and went out in the cold to wave down non existent taxi's on the highway while our women stayed in the restaurant.  No luck.  We went inside and had them call us a cab.

When the cab driver picked us up he made it a point to let us know that he just got done driving a celebrity around.  I asked him who it was and he said "you wouldn't know him" at which point I called him a dick inside of my head.  He begins to drive us back to our hotel at which point he gets stuck behind a really slow driver in a five dollar car and he honks while flashing his lights at them.  Bad idea.  They slam on the breaks to try and cause the cab to hit them from behind but our driver braked in time to avoid it.

The slow car pulls forward a bit and our driver shifts one lane to the right and starts driving toward a red light almost adjacent to the slow driver.  The slow driver suddenly rolled down the passenger window with a FUCKING GUN and was probably about to kill us all just because he got honked and flashed at for driving like an idiot.  I was in the passenger seat, even if he had just shot the cab driver I'd have been covered in the aftermath.  Since I'm writing this I guess it is obvious that our cab driver decided to speed up ALOT and run the red light, suddenly he was hugging every corner until we were in the general viscinity of The Mirage.

I tipped him extra for being quick on his feet even though he partly initiated the conflict, at least we're not dead.  I've had a lot of near death experiences so I'd say this one didn't scare me as much as the others, but I was certainly thanking the Universe for maintaining a good balance and not allowing us to end up a statistic.

Lesson:  There is plenty to do on the strip at 3AM, pho can wait until daylight.